“When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you”- Nietzsche

I sit on the edge for a while,
Feet dangling over,
The darkness slowly wisping round my ankles,
Tendrils of black smoke,
Reaching up at me,
Dragging me towards the abyss,
No strength to pull me in
Yet still a tether to the murky depths.

My childlike curiosity draws me in,
I lean in further,
And gaze into the depths,
All that lies before me is an endless black sea,
I quiver,
So overwhelmed by the enormity.

I can feel the darkness eating away at me,
I weep,
And that feeling,
That temptation rises,
Closely followed by fear fear,
Dread bubbles up from my stomach,
Bringing with it bile and further torment.

For I know what happens next,
And I know I can do nothing to stop it.

No longer willing to struggle,
I give in,
And as I drift over into weightlessness,
For a second,
I am happy,

For although I may have lost,
The struggle is finally over.

 

“When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you”- Nietzsche

Depression

2015-02-02 21.54.12

Is self loathing natural?

If it is then it shouldn’t be,

If it’s not self loathing keeping me in bed,

Then it’s social anxiety.

Now that we’re listing issues,

(and incase you couldn’t tell)

I’m a raging hypochondriac,

And that worries me as well,

While were on the subject,

There’s some things I’d like to address,

I think I might have depression,

Although im not always that depressed.

I lie in bed most mornings,

Trying to greet the day,

But end up rolling over,

And sleeping the morning away.

I’m hardly ever productive,

But on the occasions that I am,

I do feel proud of myself,

And believe that I can,

I can get out of bed,

I can make some food,

I can do some work,

I can go to the shop,

I can clean the house,

If only I could get out of bed.

And if I ever actually make something,

Because sometimes I do,

I’m instantly plagued with self-doubt,

And crawl back into my cocoon.

Depression

Depression

Is self loathing natural?

If it is then it shouldn’t be,

If it’s not self loathing keeping me in bed,

Then it’s social anxiety.

Now that we’re listing issues,

(and incase you couldn’t tell)

I’m a raging hypochondriac,

And that worries me as well,

While were on the subject,

There’s some things I’d like to address,

I think I might have depression,

Although im not always that depressed.

I lie in bed most mornings,

Trying to greet the day,

But end up rolling over,

And sleeping the morning away.

I’m hardly ever productive,

But on the occasions that I am,

I do feel proud of myself,

And believe that I can,

I can get out of bed,

I can make some food,

I can do some work,

I can go to the shop,

I can clean the house,

If only I could get out of bed.

And if I ever actually make something,

Because sometimes I do,

I’m instantly plagued with self-doubt,

And crawl back into my cocoon.

Depression